If I consider you a close friend chances are I’m gonna be at least a little gay with you
mom: hey *dad’s name* oh whoops i mean *brother’s name* oh no *sister’s name* i mean *name of the family goldfish* ah shoot i meant *your name* can you get down here really quick i need something
my dad has literally called me by his own name.
my mother has called me our cats name who has been dead for five years
Title: why not just stAB ME IN The CHEST with a spatula!